Join Date: Aug 2015
Guide to Living in an RV
So, I got a pretty good job, lost my mind, bought a RV and moved across the state to the land that God forgot, West Texas. I've never owned a RV, camped in a RV, or had anything to do with RVs. Now I live in one. I've had a lot of help and tips from friends and family on getting fixed up in the RV but some things you have to learn for yourself. The following is a guide I wrote from some personal experiences...
How To Take A Shower In Your RV:
Step 1: Turn on water at the facet and get it just right, turn off water at shower head.
Step 2: Get in shower
Step 3: Turn on water to wet yourself down.
Step 4: Scream and try frantically to turn the scalding hot water down.
Step 5: Finish wetting down and turn water off at shower head.
Step 6: Put towel around self and answer the door. Insure neighbor there are no little girls screaming in your RV.
Step 7: Get back in shower.
Step 8: Shampoo hair and start to soap up body.
Step 9: Turn on shower head to get soap out of your eyes.
Step 10: Scream and try frantically to turn the scalding hot water down, again.
Step 11: Soap up body.
(Forget trying to get to your calves and feet, unless you are a contortionist . If you drop the soap, you're not getting it back. The shower is just too small.)
Step 12: Put towel around self, again and answer the door, again. Tell neighbor he cannot search your RV.
Step 13: Get back in shower.
Step 14: Scream, curse and slap the shower head to get the lava to stop burning you alive.
Step 15: Rinse off all soap and shampoo
Step 16: Briefly enjoy the perfect temperature water.
Step 17: Scream, dance and try to fend off the water someone suddenly started pumping from Antartica to your RV.
Step 18: Fall out of shower trying keep from freezing like the bad guy in Terminator 2
Step 19: Get up turn off water.
Step 20: Put towel around self. Answer the door. Allow police officer to search the RV for screaming girl.
Step 21: Dry off. Get dressed and repeat daily.
Transport and Set Up of Your RV:
Step 1: Hook RV up to your truck. Remember to hook up turn signal/ battery charger, sway bars, chains, and emergency brake to truck.
Step 2: Pick up all outside chairs, floor mats, grills, ect... try to fit them somewhere in the RV
Step 3: Wish for a bigger RV
Step 4: Make sure slide out is in (If Applicable) and all inside furniture, dishes, and other object are ready for transport.
Step 5: Walk around RV looking for any open compartments, hoses, cables, ect
Step 6: Check tires on truck and RV. Fuel in the truck, ect...
(You are now ready to get on the road with your RV.)
Step 7: Leave for the RV park on the windiest day of the year. Extra Points if there is a tornado warning in effect.
Step 8: After going 50 miles down the road, pull over and lower the TV antenna on your RV
Step 9: Make sure you are driving into the wind. This effectively lowers your fuel usage to gallons per mile.
Step 10: Drive around a gas station 6 times.
Step 11: Try to line up the pump with your truck. Back up. Pull forward. Back up. Pull forward. Punch dash. Back up. Park.
Step 12: Buy 5 gallon fuel can. Fill it up. Pour it in your truck. Repeat until truck is full. Ignore laughing crowd.
Step 13: Wish for smaller RV
Step 14: Get to the RV park 4 hours later than planned. It's now dark
Step 15: Find the best spot available.
Step 16: Try to back your RV into the spot. Give up after 6 tries, or when you draw a crowd of 10 or more people watching you.
Step 17: Find a spot you can back into. Get it within 4 tries.
Step 18: Unhook the RV and all cables from the truck
Step 19: Get heart rate back down to normal after RV coasted back 10 inches.
Step 20: PUT IN WHEEL CHOCKS
Step 21: Level RV using the level on the side of the RV
Step 22: Go inside. Pull out all outside chairs, floor mats, grills, ect...
Step 23: Go back outside, try to level the RV again. Ignore the level on the side of the RV
Step 24: Go inside. Pick up all furniture, dishes, other objects that some tornado threw around inside the RV.
Step 25: Storm back out, walk away from the RV 50 feet, walk back, level the RV, walk 50 feet away, walk back, level... repeat 4 times until RV is level
Step 26: Politely decline the beer the drunk next door offers you
Step 27: Raise TV antenna
Step 28: Hook up Waste hose to RV. Try to pull sewer cap off. Bang it with a rock until you can turn it with your hand.
Step 29: Gag
Step 30: Smile and wave to the neighbor who chose that moment to dump his waste down the sewer. Hook up hose to sewer.
Step 31: Hook up fresh water hose. Turn it on. Turn it off. Get a towel and dry off. Tighten connections. Turn it on. Repeat 3 times.
Step 32: Try to plug in electrical cord.
Step 33: Yell, Throw rocks, Kick Trees
Step 34: Walk through the whole RV park looking for a 30 watt connection. Find one on the other side of the park.
Step 35: Ask the drunk for a beer. Chug it.
Step 36: Pack everything up. Unhook everything. Hook RV to truck.
Step 37: Pull RV over to 30 watt spot.
Step 38: Thank drunk for climbing in the tree to get your antenna. Throw it in the back of the truck. TV's overrated.
Step 39: Hook everything back up, Pull everything back out. Pick up the dishes, furniture, and other objects, again.
Step 40: Thank the new neighbor for informing you the park had 50 watt to 30 watt adapters.
Step 41: Find the drunk. Get another beer. Chug it.
Step 42: Level the RV
Step 43: Level the RV again.
Step 44: Give up. Go to bed.
Emptying The Waste Tanks On Your RV:
Step 1: Check waste hose to insure no holes or kinks
Step 2: Check to make sure waste hose is securely attached to the waste nozzle and sewer drain.
Step 3: Get on your hands and knees with your head beside the waste nozzle as that is the only way to reach the pull valves.
Step 4: Turn face away from waste nozzle and open the Black Tank valve.
Step 5: Jiggle the valve
Step 6: Tap on the waste nozzle.
Step 7: Go into the RV bathroom to see why nothing is flowing.
Step 8: Open toilet
Step 9: Gag
Step 10: Stick Broom handle down the toilet and stir.
Step 11: THROW AWAY BROOM
Step 12: Get down on hands and knees and tap on the waste nozzle.
Step 13: Close Black Tank valve. Throw up. Curse. Yell. Throw up.
Step 14: Strip and wash all the waste off of you with a water hose.
Step 15: Throw up, again
Step 16: Patch the hole in the waste hose with duct tape. USE THE WHOLE ROLL.
Step 17: Insure the neighbor you are ok. Go put some clothes on.
Step 18: Get down on your hands and knees again. Open Black Tank Valve
Step 19: Wait for all the waste to go through the hose to the sewer. Close valve when empty.
Step 20: Open Grey Tank Valve.
Step 21: Run to sewer end of hose and try to stop it from spraying everywhere.
Step 22: Run to Grey Tank valve. Turn it off.
Step 23: Strip and wash off with a water hose, again.
Step 24: Ignore the grandma next door checking you out. Get dressed, again.
Step 25: Stack rocks on and around sewer end of waste hose
Step 26: Open Grey Tank valve.
Step 27: Wait for all the waste water to go through the hose to sewer. Close valve when empty.
Step 28: Go inside and take a shower. Use lots of soap.