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Old 08-27-2016, 07:14 AM   #11
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Got this from facebook and had to share.

So I got my concealed gun permit yesterday, and went over to Bass Pro Shop, picked up a 9mm and some ammo.
When i was ready to pay for the gun and bullets, the cashier said "Strip down, facing me".
Making a mental note to complain to the NRA about the gun control wackos running amok, I did just as she had instructed.
When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out she was referring to how I should place my credit card in the card reader!
I've been asked to shop elswhere!
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Old 11-03-2016, 02:57 PM   #12
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A COWBOY NAMED FRED

A drunken cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh
Amarillo Theater.
...When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the cowboy,
"Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat."
The cowboy groaned but didn't budge.
The usher became more impatient: "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm
going to have to call the manager."
Once again, the cowboy just groaned. The usher marched briskly back up the aisle, and in a moment he returned with the manager.
Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the cowboy , but with no success.
Finally they summoned the police. The Texas Ranger surveyed the situation
briefly, then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?"
"Fred," the cowboy moaned.
"Where ya come from, Fred?" asked the Ranger.
With terrible pain in his voice, and without moving a muscle , Fred replied,
"the Balcony"
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Old 11-03-2016, 04:28 PM   #13
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Well there's 15 minutes I will never get back...
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Old 11-14-2016, 07:01 AM   #14
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A senior citizens' group charters a bus from San Angelo, Texas to Branson, Missouri. As they entered Missouri, an elderly woman comes up to the driver and says, "I've just been molested!"
The driver figured that she had fallen asleep and had a dream. So he tells her to go back to her seat, and sit down. A short time later, another old woman comes forward, and claims that she was just molested.... The driver thought he had a bus load of old wackos, but who would be molesting those old ladies? About 10 minutes later, a third old lady comes up and says that she'd been molested, too.
The bus driver decides that he'd had enough, and pulls into the first rest area. When he turns the lights on and stands up, he sees an old man on his hands and knees crawling in the aisles.
"Hey gramps, what are you doing down there?" says the bus driver.
"I lost my toupee. I thought I found it three times, but every time I grab it, it runs away..........
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Old 12-13-2016, 09:57 AM   #15
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A man walks in a bar and yells, "all lawyers are a-holes". A man in the bar yells in response "I resent that comment". The first man says "why, are you a lawyer?" The second man says, "no I'm an a-hole".
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