A few

[Murff]

I was in a car accident when I was a teen a good number of years ago. I was pretty surprised to see a little male person (we called them "midgets" or "dwarfs" back then) get out of the other vehicle.

He walked over to my window and stated, "young man, I'm not happy!"

Without a blink, I replied, "oh, which one are you then?"

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An old farmer gets stopped by a state trooper. He lectures the farmer on how irresponsible he is for speeding and does everything he can to get the farmer off balance. While the tropper fills out the citation, he keeps swatting a the swarm of flies around him.

The farmer asks, "having trouble with the Circle Flies, officer?"

"Yeah", replies the officer, "But why do you call them circle Flies?"

"Well, they usually circle around the back end of a horse", the farmer states.

"Oh, I see", says the trooper, absent mindedly.

After a minute, the trooper looks up from his paperwork and says, "hey! You aren't calling me a horse's ass, are you?"

"Of course not", replies the farmer, "I have too much respect for the police to do that."

"Good", says the trooper!

The farmer continued, "hard to fool them Circle Flies though... "

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Two bored casino workers are waiting at the craps table.

A very attractive blonde from South Alabama arrives and bets $20,000.00 on one roll of the dice. She says, "I hope you don't mind, but I have better luck if I play topless." With that said, she proceeds to strip to the waist and rolls the dice.

"Come on! Southern girl needs new clothes", she exclaims!

As the dice bounce and come to a stop, she jumps up and down and squeals, "I won! I won!!"

She hugs each of the dealers, grabs her winnings and her clothes and departs.

The dealers stare at each other dumbfounded.

Finally, one of them asks "what did she roll?"

The other answers, "I don't know. I thought you were watching!"

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Two men are sitting drinking at a bar at the top of the Empire State Building when the first man turns to the other and says, "You know, last week I discovered that if you jump from the top of this building, by the time you fall to the 10th floor, the winds around the building are so intense that they carry you around the building and back into the window."


The bartender just shakes his head in disapproval while wiping the bar.

The second guy says, "What are you a nut? There is no way that could happen."

"No, it's true," said the first man, let me prove it to you." He gets up from the bar, jumps over the balcony, and plummets to the street below. When he passes the 10th floor, the high wind whips him around the building and back into the 10th floor window and he takes the elevator back up to the bar.

He met the second man, who looked quite astonished. "You know, I saw that with my own eyes, but that must have been a one time fluke." "No, I'll prove it again," says the first man as he jumps. Again just as he is hurling toward the street, the 10th floor wind gently carries him around the building and into the window.

Once upstairs he urges his fellow drinker to try it. "Well, what the hey," the second guy says, "it works, I'll try it!"

He jumps over the balcony plunges downward, passes the 11th, 10th, 9th, 8th floors ...and hits the sidewalk with a 'splat.'

Back upstairs the Bartender turns to the other drinker, saying "You know, Superman, sometimes you can be a real jerk."

Murff

[Woodworker]

Haha