Best Replies From Cops To Offenders

[Murff]

LOL Love it!
These are actual comments made by Georgia State Troopers that were taken off their car videos:

1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."
...
2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."

3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document." (My Favorite)

4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per
second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that will be chasing you." (LOVE IT)

6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."

11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC." ( National Crime Information Center )

13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"

14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."

AND THE WINNER IS....

16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."

Murff

[Destrtman]

And another good one Murf!

Desertman

[JohnWedell]

Made MY day.

[maejoicer]

LOL.....those were great....thanks, Murff

[NVGun40]

An actual comment I was personally involved in.
I responded to an incident of a couple guys who were target shooting close to the power plant. Knowing there was firearms and live fire involved we had two officers. To get to where these two gentlemen were, we had to leave a paved road and go through a locked gate bordered by jersey barriers. There were three "private property, no trespassing" signs posted. One on the gate and one on each end of the jersey barriers. The signs were properly formatted for enforcement (they had the Private Property/No Trespassing words plus a name and address and phone contact information).
The initial encounter with the two gentlemen went very smooth. They complied with all instruction, ID's were check, weapons serial numbers were checked to ensure they were not reported stolen. For safety purposes, we placed all the weapons in the back seat of my vehicle telling the guys we would give everything back when we got back to the road. We escorted the two men out following their vehicle to where they able to carefully maneuver around one end of the jersey barrier.

At the initial contact they claimed to no know it was private property. One guy said he had been coming to that spot for most of his life and target shooting.

When we stopped outside the jersey barrier and were giving the firearms back, my partner pointed to the three clearly visible signs, which were impossible to miss. My partner must have been having a "fed up with stupidity" moment. This is how the conversation went:

Officer: "Gentlemen, take a look at these signs clearly posted, there is no way you did not see them."

Man one: *nodding with a sheepish look* "I am sorry, I guess it just did not really click to me."

Man two: "I wasn't really paying attention to the signs."

Officer: "Couple of issues here guys. One: What part of Private Property/No Trespassing do you not understand? Do you think signs like this are put up for decoration?"
Two: "The fact there is a locked gate and you had to use four wheel drive and go around a jersey barrier, did not clue you in that you were not supposed to go beyond this point"
Three: "You know the law states you must be at least 1/4 mile from an occupied building when shooting. You were only a couple hundred yards from an occupied power plant. With these three issues, you could easily just be going directly to jail instead of receiving a warning. Do you understand that?

Man Two: *apologizes again* "We can be arrested for this? really? I thought you would just write a ticket or something."

Officer: "yes, it's called breaking the law, and you can get a ticket or something.... The 'something' is called arrested."

I just nodded and looked at my partner. Internally surprised at simplistic manner and sarcastic tone he was talking to these guys in. Knowing we had these guys over a barrel (proverbially).

Use your inside voices, play nice with the other kids, and never underestimate the power of dumbest person in a group, for usually the rest of the group operates at that level.

[JohnWedell]

A police officer was sitting on the side of the road with radar watching for speeders all day. It was a very slow day and really nobody was speeding. All of a sudden the radar went off and tagged a guy doing 80 in a 55 mph zone

Officer: I have been waiting here all day to write you a ticket for speeding.

Speeder: I know, I got here as fast as I could.

[Murff]

A man purchased a new Mercedes to celebrate his wife leaving him and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up.

As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him. "There's no way they can catch a Mercedes," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100.....

Then the reality of the situation hit him. "What am I doing?" he thought and pulled over.

The state trooper came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car. "It's been a long hard day, this is the end of my shift and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, I don't need the frustration or the overtime, so if you can give me a really good excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go."

The guy thinks about it for a second and says, "Last week my nagging wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back!"

"Have a nice weekend," said the trooper.

Murff