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Old 12-22-2009, 10:33 AM   #1
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Blonde Jokes

A blonde and her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor's dog. It has been in the backyard barking for hours and
hours. The blonde jumps up out of bed and says, "I've had enough of
this".

She goes downstairs. The blonde finally comes back up to bed
and her husband says "The dog is still barking, what have you
been doing?"

The blonde says, "I put the dog in our backyard, let's see how
THEY like it!
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Old 12-22-2009, 10:34 AM   #2
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Two Blondes With Hammers...

Two Blondes With Hammers...

Lynn and Judy were doing some carpenter work on a Habitat for
Humanity house. Lynn was nailing down house siding, would reach into
her nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over her shoulder
or nail it in.

Judy, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, 'Why are you
throwing those nails away?'

Lynn explained, 'When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half
of them have the head on the wrong end and I throw them away.'

Judy got completely upset and yelled, 'You moron! Those nails
aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!'
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Old 12-22-2009, 10:35 AM   #3
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Drive In Death

Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a
drive-in movie?

They had gone to see 'Closed for the Winter.'
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Old 12-22-2009, 10:39 AM   #4
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Suicide?

You might have to think twice about this one.

A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the
tip of her index finger shot off.

'How did this happen?' the emergency room doctor asked her.

'Well, I was trying to commit suicide,' the blonde replied.

'What?' sputtered the doctor. 'You tried to commit suicide by
shooting off your finger?'

'No, Silly' the blonde said. 'First I put the gun to my chest,
and then I thought, 'I just paid $6, 000.00 for these implants.. I'm not
shooting myself in the chest.'

'So then?' asked the doctor.

'Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought, 'I just paid
$3,000.00 to get my teeth straightened I'm not shooting myself
in the mouth..'

'So then?'

'Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: 'This is going to
make a loud noise. So I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled
the trigger.
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Old 12-22-2009, 10:43 AM   #5
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A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a
really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the
next day she took it to a repair shop. The shop owner saw
that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He
told her to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard,
and all the dents would pop out.

So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and
started blowing into the tailpipe. Nothing happened. So she blew a
little harder, and still nothing happened.

Her blonde roommate saw her and asked, 'What are you doing?'

The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to
blow into the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.

The roommate rolled her eyes and said, 'Uh, like hello! You need
to roll up the windows first.'
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Old 12-22-2009, 10:46 AM   #6
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A blonde was shopping at Target and came across a shiny silver
Thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up
and took it to the clerk to ask what it was.

The clerk said, 'Why, that's a thermos..... It keeps hot
things hot, And cold things cold.'

'Wow, said the blonde, 'that's amazing....I'm going to buy it!'
So she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day.

Her boss saw it on her desk. 'What's that,' he asked?

'Why, that's a thermos......
It keeps hot things hot and cold things Cold,' she replied..

Her boss inquired, 'What do you have in it?'

The blond replied..... 'Two cups of Coffee and a popsicle."
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Old 12-22-2009, 10:48 AM   #7
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A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes
out.

Her boss asked sympathetically, 'What's the matter?'

The blonde replies, 'Early this morning I got a phone call
saying that my mother had passed away.'

The boss, feeling sorry for her, says, 'Why don't you go home
for the day? Take the day off to relax and rest.'

'Thanks, but I'd be better off here. I need to keep my
mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here.'

The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual.. A
couple of hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He
looks out from his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically.

'What's so bad now? Are you gonna be okay?' he asks.

'No!' exclaims the blonde. 'I just received a horrible call from
my sister.. Her mother died, too! .
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