|
Newest Round of Senior Jokes
Read at your own peril!
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising.I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their retirement home, reminiscing. The first lady recalled shopping at the green grocers, and demonstrated with her hands the length and thickness of a cucumber she could buy for a penny.
The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used to be much bigger and cheaper also, then demonstrated the size of two big onions she could buy for a penny a piece.
Then the third old lady chipped in with: "I can't hear a word you're saying, but I remember the guy you're talking about."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There were two old fellows who were chatting. Suddenly one of them asked, "What in the world is that sticking out of your right ear?"
The other, with a puzzled look, said,"I dunno", and reached up pulling out the object,then exclaimed, "My word, a suppository!"
Then he slapped his forehead and excitedly declared, "Now I know what I did with my hearing aid."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to get the anesthesia he asked to speak to his son.
"Yes, Dad, what is it?"
"Don't be nervous, son; do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife...."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
An old man sees a friend sitting on a park bench weeping. "How have things been with you Bob," he askes his older friend.
"Great. I just married a beautiful young woman."
"Wonderful! But then why are you crying, Bob?"
"I can't remember where I live."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
This farmers wife prayed to the Lord and asked him, “How old will I be when I die?”
His reply was 96 years old.
She said, “Hot diggity dog, I will have myself fixed up.”
She had everything lifted and tucked and was in the doctor’s office, making the last payment on her reconstruction. She walked out of the doctor’s office, started across the street, and was hit and killed.
She gets to heaven and asks the Lord, “What happened? You told me that I would live to be 96.”
His reply: “We’ll I just didn’t recognize you!”
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
The best for last:
One day, while strolling down the boardwalk, John bumped into an old friend of his, Rob, from high school.
“You look great John, how do you stay looking so young? Why you must be 60 already but you don’t look a day over 40!” Rob exclaimed.
“I feel like I’m 40 too!” replied John.
“That’s incredible” exclaimed Rob, “Does it run in the family? How old was your dad when he passed?”
“Did I say he was dead?” asked John. “He’s 81 and is more active then ever. He just joined the neighborhood basketball team!” responded John.
“Whoa! Well how old was your Grandfather when he died?”
“Did I say he died” asked John. Rob was amazed. “He just had his 105th birthday and plays golf and goes swimming each day! He’s actually getting married this week!”
“Getting married?!” Rob asked. "If he’s 105, why on earth does he want to get married?!"
John looked at Rob and replied, “Did I say he wanted to?”
Murff
__________________
Murff
2015 White Hawk 20MRB (It's last year)
2017 F150 2.7 Eco Boost 3.73 Gears
|
Linear Mode
