A few really bad jokes

[Seann45]

DIFFERENT WAYS OF LOOKING AT THINGS
*
A little boy went up to his father and asked, 'Dad, where did my intelligence come from?'*
The father replied, 'Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine.'
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'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the Divorce Court judge said, 'and I've decided to give your wife $775 a week.'*
'That's very fair, Your Honor.' the husband said.* 'And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.'
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A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.'*
'Me neither. Doc,' said the husband. 'But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.'
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Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and family values.
Bill said, 'I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?'*
Larry replied, 'I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?'
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An old woman goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse she has been living with for the last 40 years.*
The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.'*
The old woman says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.'
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*
Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:*
1.* The DNA all matches.*
2.* There are no dental records.
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A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?'*
The agent replies, 'Just a minute.'*
'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up.*
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Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.*
'How was he killed?' asked one detective.
'With a golf gun,' the other detective replied.*
'A golf gun!* What is a golf gun?'*
'I don't know.* But it sure made a hole in Juan.'*
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Moe:* 'My wife got me to believe in religion.'
Joe:** 'Really?'
Moe:* 'Yeah, until I married her I didn't believe in Hell.'*
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A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling.
'I'm O.K. but I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor used in surgery,' he answered.
'What did he say?' asked the nurse.

'Oops!'
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While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits.* It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice.*
'What do you think?' I asked.* 'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?'*
'Better get a bikini,' he replied.* 'You'd never get it all in one.'*
He's still in Intensive Care.
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The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance.*
The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, 'Well, she's there...

[Tunce the traveler]

LoL , thanks Seann nothing like starting my day with a few good laughs. I'm sure to pass on many of those.

[bap]

Those are great.