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Old 01-25-2020, 06:14 PM   #1
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Jokes

The Job Interview

A man goes to a job interview and the interviewer begins with the question, “What do you think is your biggest weakness?”

The man thinks for a moment, then says, “I think my biggest weakness is my brutal honesty.”

The interviewer says, “I don’t think that’s a weakness.”

The man then says, “I don’t give a #%^& what you think!

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Can You Hear Me Now?

A man goes to the doctor, concerned about his wife’s hearing. The doctor says, “Stand behind her and say something and tell me how close you are when she hears you.”

The man goes home, sees his wife in the kitchen, cutting carrots on the countertop. About 15 feet away he says, “Honey, what’s for dinner?” Nothing. He gets halfway to her and repeats the same question. Nothing. Very concerned, he gets right behind her and asks again “What’s for dinner?”

She turns around and says “For the THIRD time, beef stew!”

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Dang!

Two old guys, Fred and Sam went to the movies. A few minutes after it started, Fred heard Sam rustling around and he seemed to be searching on the floor under his seat. “What are you doing?” asked Fred.

Sam, a little grumpy by this time, replied “I had a caramel in my mouth and it dropped out. I can’t find it.”

Fred told him to forget it because it would be too dirty by now. “But I’ve got to”, said Sam, “my teeth are in it!”

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Get Up & Go!

An 85 year old man was in the hospital, his doctor, trying to determine the man's mental state, asked, “What gets you up in the morning?”

The 85 year old shrugged. “Probably the same thing as everyone. I have to go to the bathroom.”

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Only 10 Years??

After a 91 year old woman finished having her hair cut and shaped, the stylist announced, “There, now you look ten years younger.”

The lady less than *impressed, replied, “Who wants to look 81 years old?”

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Cool! Win-Win

I couldn’t decide whether to go to Salt Lake City or Denver for vacation, so I called the airlines to get prices. “Airfare to Denver is $300,” the cheery salesperson replied.

“And what about Salt Lake City?”

“We have a really great rate to Salt Lake—$99,” she said “But there is a stopover.”

“Where?”

“In Denver,” she said.

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Please Stop The Drums!!

A man vacations on a tropical island, and the first thing he hears is drums. He goes to the beach and hears the drums; he eats lunch, he hears the drums; he tries to sleep, he can’t—drums. Finally he storms over to the manager. “I’ve had it! Can’t you stop those drums?” he begs.

“No!” says the manager. “It’s very bad if the drums stop.”

“Why?”

“When the drums stop, the bass solo begins.”

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Ok, I never said they were good jokes. But I do like this one:

I didn’t realize how bad of a driver I was until my Garmin 760 GPS said, “In 400 feet, do a slight right, stop, and let me out.”

Murff
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Old 01-25-2020, 07:20 PM   #2
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good ones...
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Old 01-27-2020, 12:30 AM   #3
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Nice, Murff! My Garmin says the same thing after 12 times of "RECALCULATING"!
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Old 01-27-2020, 01:02 AM   #4
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Lol!!
What's a Garmin? I get that from the big screen thing-a-ma-Bob on my Rams dash!
Thanks that one about wife hits mighty close to home.
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