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Senior Night Light and Assorted Funnies!
SENIOR NIGHT LIGHT
An old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back with normal results.
The doctor says, "Larry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?"
Larry replies, "God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He's fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on.
When I'm done, poof! The light goes off."
"Wow, that's incredible," the doctor says.
A little later in the day, the doctor calls Larry's wife. "Bonnie," he says, "Larry
is doing fine! But I had to call you because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night, and poof, the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he's done, poof, the light goes off?"
"Oh sweet Jesus", exclaims Bonnie. "He's peeing in the refrigerator again!
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THE STAGES OF SUCCESS
At age 4 success is…not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is…having friends.
At age 16 success is…having a drivers license.
At age 20 success is…having sex.
At age 35 success is…having money.
At age 50 success is…having money.
At age 60 success is…having sex.
At age 70 success is…having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is…having friends.
At age 80 success is…not peeing in your pants
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A stingy old lawyer who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness was determined to prove wrong the old saying, “You can’t take it with you.”
After much thought and consideration, the old ambulance chaser finally figured out how to take at least some of his money with him when he died.
He instructed his wife to go to the bank and withdraw enough money to fill two pillowcases. He then directed her to take the bags of money to the attic and leave them directly above his bed.
His plan: When he passed away, he would reach out and grab the bags on his way to heaven. Several weeks after the funeral, the deceased lawyer’s wife, up in the attic cleaning came upon the two forgotten pillow cases stuffed with cash.
“Oh, that old fool,” she exclaimed. “I knew he should have had me put the money in the basement.”
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An elderly looking gentleman, (mid-nineties) very well dressed, hair well groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel, smelling slightly of a good after shave, presenting a well-looked-after image, walks into an upscale cocktail lounge.
Seated at the bar is an elderly looking lady.
The gentleman walks over, sits alongside her, orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to her and says, “So tell me, do I come here often?”
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Murff
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Murff
2015 White Hawk 20MRB (It's last year)
2017 F150 2.7 Eco Boost 3.73 Gears
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